Aspie Stuff

Next week we are going to Ranch Cordova to see Kaiser's ASD specialist. They will evaluate my baby, measure his head, and who knows what else. I have been putting this off for a long time. When he was originally "diagnosed" last October by the county specialists I was totally overwhelmed. I thought we were dealing with a learning disability, and maybe some coordination issues and then I realized that Asperger's was "on the spectrum". That meant my baby had Autism Spectrum Disorder and the word Autism has terrified me since he was born. I was one of those "irrational" mothers that put off his MMR, then got it anyway. I was convinced he would be Autistic if he got the vaccine. I guess either way I was right.

Since he was 1 1/2 years old I had been asking his doctors to help me understand what was going on. Something wasn't right, but I had already proven myself irrational in the eyes of the doctors. He was 8 before anyone believed me enough to look. I feel like all of his teachers, doctors, and school administrators owed me an apology. What if I had lost all that time and he would be getting better instead of worse?

So I was right, now what?

I read books. I rearranged our entire existence. Sometimes things would be going so well I would forget. Then he'd have a tantrum. Then he would pull back into his world and be furious when anyone entered it. Then I would remember. As our younger son gets older and develops normally I see how vast the differences are between what should have been and what was. If J. had been my second born I would have seen and the doctors would have believed me.

So finally I am ready to see the specialists. Ready to know what I am up against. Ready to find out what to expect. Beyond that I don't know what we will get out of this. I just know I am ready to stop saying, "this isn't so bad, we can handle this". I am sure we can, but not without help or guidance. I hope we can get at least that.

meal planning, the sign of an optimist

I have attempted meal planning in the past. I made a menu for a months worth of meals, shopped to list, followed the plan. It was beautiful.

Then the month was over.

I haven't planned a single meal since. Every night my husband and I scramble around the kitchen trying to decided what to feed the kids. Many nights it is bathtime before we figure out what to do. Mom of the year.

Today I sat down and planned meals on my GOOGLE CALENDAR! Genius! I just set them to repeat every other week for eternity. I am planning to have some flexibility. I will allow my family to veto, or reshuffle. Even if I decide to go way off I will have this for a fall back. Maybe I'll get really ambitious and put together a grocery list that I can recycle. Maybe. Next week.

Those of you who know me know that this accomplishment alone might me the apex of my organizational skills. It is that big.

One cool side effect is that I can tell you what is for dinner on my 50th birthday. If I felt like looking it up. Who wants to see that far into the future anyway?

Take your son to work day.

I love my kids. Really. Some days...

I have to check myself constantly. Most of the time when I think my kids are being rotten it is because I have put them in a situation where they can't behave. They are overstimulated, under-stimulated, tired, hungry, whatever and I am expecting them to suck it up. I also forget that my children are two distinct individuals and just because my oldest could go to work with me at 3 years old DOESN'T mean my youngest can.

I test drove the portrait party concept today. A sort of open house photo session. One backdrop, just basic shots. Easy in and out. Right?

Baby Huey, my cartoon of a 3 year old started out bouncing around, sticking out his tongue, jumping in front of the camera. By the time the best neighbor in the world cam to rescue me he was literally shrieking. Needless to say I won't e doing that again. Both kids will go elsewhere next time.

Overall the open house portrait session worked. I'm planning one for September, then in October I will be hosting my annual "Howl at the Moon" Halloween photos. For November I am looking for a place to host it outdoors so we can get some family shots with Autumn leaves. If anyone out there knows of private property we can use let me know, with the owner's permission of course.

An Outlet

So the food and nutrition thing has been reintegrated into my life. I realized that if I try to separate it all out I will feel as thought I am running as different people in different races at the same time.

I am off the wheat. I feel better, I'm losing weight. Beyond that it is boring unless I am shopping. You never so someone so happy to see the letter "g" on a chocolate bar.

The business part of my life is finally swinging back toward balance since we moved into a new house. I now have a studio to itself and an office with a DOOR! I never realized that a physical barrier was so important to the psychology of the barrier. I now don't get sucked in to working when I am "off". I also realized that I am a full fledged "stay-at-work mom". For those of you who don't know what this means, I am working a full time job, from my house, with part time child care. It is hectic to say the least. 3 days a week I shut myself into the office or go out on location to a wedding. The rest of the time I spend stealing moments after the kids' bed time, or when hubby gets home.

I didn't really have much of a choice in the matter. My oldest son, as many of you know has Asperger's Syndrome. He's a genius who can't sit still, or stay on track. The sensory integration issues that go along with it make it difficult for him to be in a classroom, let alone learn in one. When your pediatrician, his teachers, and school administrators are telling you that homeschooling is the best option what else can you do?

all calories are not created equal

So in my quest for weight loss I was completely confounded. I was tracking my intake, increasing my activity, feeling worse and gaining weight. WHAT?

As I have shared I suspect food allergies. So I eliminated wheat and corn from my diet. BINGO! I have been gorging myself on gluten free and corn free product for a week and I am losing weight. The bloat is gone, my headaches are gone, my joint pain is gone and I am no longer the crankiest monster on the block. I've just been feeling my way through. I need to get a book so I can identify all of the gluten-y foods (they hide it everywhere I am told). If you know of any great books, blogs, recipes, or tips to share on the subject, please do.

Day... who really cares.

I have been frustrated by my apparent lack of ability to plan my meals and exercise. I have added to this a suspected food allergy. Make that a pantheon of food allergies. It started with my suspicions of corn. I was a very good girl, grabbed a bowl and ate a serving of tortilla chips, then proceeded to suffer through the usual bloat that accompanies the indulgence. Then the next day I indulged in some light microwave popcorn and suffered more. It then occurred to me that perhaps I shouldn't eat corn. I went online to check out the common knowledge about these things and discovered that a lot of the digestive experiences I have are actually symptoms. Raw almonds, bananas, and watermelons make me itch. Bread and paste makes me bloat. Then on to the other symptoms that go along with allergies to just about every food I enjoy.

What started as an effort to be healthier, cut calories, move more, is turning into an all out attack on my entire diet and everything I love. In the end I know I will feel better, my kids will be better off, since they have food allergies also, it does appear. Maybe it will turn out that I have only 2 or 3 allergies, rather than the 4 or 5 I suspect. I am at the end of the day and have avoided gluten et al as much as possible. The real effort will start after the next grocery odyssey.

Day 14 (?)

So I have completely lost track of what day I'm on. I am supposed to weigh today, but had a really long weekend and can't muster the courage. I did walk last week and have added more fruits and veggies to my intake. I also resisted the cupcake bar at Saturday's wedding and ate only half a slice of cake. That was the hardest. It was Sweet Dreams which is my absolute favorite wedding cake. The jeans are fitting better, I'm feeling better, that's what matters, right.

What I really need is one week that isn't crazy so that I can eat properly, write it down, exercise and get a great pay off to motivate me. I don't think that is very likely to happen. My only real option is to just learn to work within the craziness, or maybe get everything in order.