Sorry, Pluto

Every time I hear or read about Pluto I have this scene run through my mind.  Let me set the stage:

Pluto has always been a bit of a loner, out there on the edge, no one really understands him. He knows he's different, he just doesn't know why.  Even within his own family, the Solar System he's never fit in.  Not quite gaseous like his big brothers, not quite as terrestrial as his sisters.  Then one day the sun sits him down.

"You're not like your brothers and sisters," she says.  For the purposes of my fantasy the sun is feminine, read in what you will.

"What do you mean," Pluto says, but sensing that what he's always known is about to be confirmed.

"Well, I don't quite know how to put this, but your not a planet."
"But, then... what am I?"
"Heck if I know, we were a happy little family, then we found you on the doorstep and didn't quite know what to do with you.  It looks like we prematurely slapped a label on you, and boy aren't we embarrassed.  Don't feel too bad, millions of people, generations have just found out that one of the fats of their life was totally wrong and now are questioning everything they ever learned.  Boy do they feel lied to.  Don't be like them, they're gonna have trouble letting it go.  You need to suck it up and get over it.  Don't worry.  I've packed your bags for you.  Good luck.  I'd say we'll miss you, but that's not likely."

Cut to a forlorn Pluto standing on the front porch of the only reality he's ever known, with his back to the door, wondering if he will be missed.

I am having trouble letting go.  Pluto, you'll always be a planet to me.

Happy VD!

I am a rather whiny, snarky person on one end on on the other I am overly emotional and sentimental.  Today I thought I would share with you that at this moment I am happier than I have ever been.  My life isn't perfect.  I am, however married to the best person I could be married to.  He tolerates my moods, knows when to retreat, knows when I need to eat, and loves me forever.  One of my children is a brilliant misfit who never wants to grow up, but is learning every day about the world and himself and has grown in leaps and bounds in spite of his challenges.  My other child is a brilliant schmoozer who believes without doubt that the world is his oyster, all women love him, and that when he grows up he will be a super hero.

What more could a person want.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Great Day

When I went to pick my son up from school today after lunch he asked if he could please stay until the end of the day.

Wow.  What a turn around.  I was nervous about it, but let him.  They were to have a Valentine's Day "party" and card exchange and he wanted to stay.  We walked back to his class and one of the boys asked somewhat disappointedly if he was leaving.  "We're having a party!" he said as if trying to convince my boy to stay.  To the class' relief they were informed that he would be staying for the party.

When I went to retrieve him after school he told me that he had a "great" day.

Even better he came in to my office later.

"Hey, Mom.  Sometimes if I say I never want to go back to school, I don't really mean it.  I want to go to school," he told me just in case I decided to grant his momentary wish.

Looks like he's learned something new already.

Respite

Two posts in one day is a bit much for me, but in the middle of the night I find clarity in the quiet.  When the children are sleeping I am only me.  I am not Mom, no one is demanding anything of me and I can think.

My boy felt much better after a few hours of respite from school, he danced (literally) off to bed wearing his silliest grin, and didn't argue about school.

He has a new dance this week, it is a cross between the New Kids on the Block leg swing and a bunny hop.  His most distinct 'repetitive motor behavior' is this dance he does when he's very happy, it has evolved slowly over time, but changed in a leap this week.  The dance absolutely means he is happy.  He is starting to feel proud of the little victories he has at school.  The vice principle today spoke to us as we were leaving campus and made a point of congratulating him on his day.  He didn't run from class.  Small victory, but victory none the less.  He is not often proud of himself, mostly because his difficulty with perspective keeps him from seeing that others have noticed his accomplishments.

Now that I have had my respite I, too can see that today wasn't so bad.

"normal"

Every night you cry yourself to sleep 

thinking why does this happen to me

why does every moment have to be so hard

I love Maroon 5.  They allow me to wallow in self pity.  I'm having one of those days where I want to scream "why can't he be neuro typical?"

Why can't his life be easier, why can't my life be easier?  I know after I have a good cry and a good laugh it will all be better, and I'll remember that I love my son, regardless of his brain and maybe because of it.

His school day would have been a great day on my scale as an elementary schooler, but every little thing brings him to a stop.  He didn't know what to do in class, but doesn't think to ask for help.  That frustrated him, so he needed a break, but has been struggling over what hand signal to use, so he didn't take a break because he didn't think to just raise his hand and ask.  He got the wrong entree at lunch because he didn't know which was which and didn't think to ask.

He's a 10 year old genius that can't tie his shoes, ride a bike, or ask for help.  Kids have to learn how to be adults, it is a process that can be painful, but for my son with Asperger's every step is painful, the thought of the steps are painful.  It is painful to watch.  My instinct is to scoop him up and run home, but I am worn out.

Tomorrow WILL be better.

"I Hate School"

Of course you do.  You're 10 years old.  The good news is that school loves you.

After a very rough start (running out of class 30 minutes into the day on Tuesday) he will be re-starting on Tuesday.  He will arrive just before first recess and stay until after lunch recess.  We are going to gradually introduce him like a frog being boiled.  The school staff is being very helpful and supportive, and his classmates ask about him every day.