No matter how big my boys get I still get a catch in my throat when I hear their deep sleep breathing. It takes me back to those first few days of their lives when I would strain desperately in the middle of the night to hear those reassuring sighs. The sleep brings back that baby look to their faces. Completely relaxed expressions. I have to restrain myself from lifting them up and cradling their gangly floppy bodies. I understand now why the old woman in the book "I Love You Forever" was still sneaking into her grown son's room to cradle him in his sleep. My love for them is deep beyond comprehension. Merely pondering gives me the sensation of standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon. Wondering how anything can be that large. As large as it appears the scale of it steals from us our ability to perceive it. We only know that it is vast, beautiful, and have a great fear and respect for the danger something that massive poses.
Just as one does not test the depth of the Grand Canyon, one must not test the love of a mother, for it is a great and fearful thing.
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I always go into my daughter's room for a listen.. I thought I was crazy, haha... I always want to pick her up and hold her too... but I so cherish the times that she sleeps.. I don't dare wake her.. haha..
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