what is up with me?

I haven't been writing.  I was in denial about not writing.  One day I just stopped.  I finally figured out the cause.  It is directly related to the way I process.  I have been processing internally.  It is unusual for me.  Normally I talk and write and follow anyone who will listen around processing everything out loud.  My decision making, my spiritual journey, me creative process.  I write out my frustrations, my triumph, my discoveries and put it all out for everyone to witness.

Then one day I decided I wanted to be a better listener.

I started processing everything on the inside.  Hoping things would come to me.  Reading and searching.  I did not notice this happening.  I was withdrawing and stuffing everything down.  Including ice cream.

I came out of the fog to an enormous mess.  Laundry to catch up on, work to catch up on, friends to catch up with, and a brand new pants size (not in the desirable direction).  I did not emerge from the fog slowly.  I burst out of it with an "oh! crap!"  Actually it was stronger than that, but I have edited it for you.

So here we are.  I am feeling pretty good.  The path ahead is not completely clear, but I have a roadmap.  I don't know where I will end up, but at least I know where I want to go.